I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
