never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
