i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
