You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
