I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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