before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
