I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
