He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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