Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
