I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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