I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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