So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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