I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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