Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
