Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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