Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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