If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
