you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
