YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
