I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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