I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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