you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
