I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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