apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
