talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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