I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize