i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
