Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
