I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
