I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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