Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
