I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
