It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
