I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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