I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
