so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
