i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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