Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
be right there i have to get my cape
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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