A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
