how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
birth control should be required to get into college
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Boobs speak an international language.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
