Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
