guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
