I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I lost the right to judge tonight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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