I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
