Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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