i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
