Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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