My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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