He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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