New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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