You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
