My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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