you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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