Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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