So drunk its hurt
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
