WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
