i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize