No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
