If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
