Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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