he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
