She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
