You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
