I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
