Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
