Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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