I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
