I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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