Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
