Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
