I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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