I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
