I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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