So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
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My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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