I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
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I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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