so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
