Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
