Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
