just come out here and I will go home with you...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You smell like stripper and shame
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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