Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
