There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
