it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
