My nipple is on Facebook.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
