why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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